Why Can’t I Orgasm?

why can't i orgasm

Many women struggle to orgasm – the official numbers range from 30-46% who fail to experience it regularly.  10% of sexually active women are reportedly unable to orgasm at all.

Perhaps you’re one of them. And maybe you’re feeling frustrated that you never experience that explosive joy that you’re always reading about and seeing in the movies.

So today, I want to explore 8 of the most common reasons that hold us back.

You’re Not Broken

There are some rare medical conditions and medications that can make it difficult for women to achieve orgasm, but the vast majority of us are absolutely capable of experiencing them. So, you are not broken. There is nothing wrong with your body.

Plus, before we dive in, I’d like to mention that orgasm isn’t everything. Sex can be intensely pleasurable without orgasm at all. It should be seen as a journey, not focusing only on this end goal.

1. Sexual Repression

We live in a sexually toxic and sexually violent culture. That adds to the subconscious fear that we carry inside.

We are made to feel that enjoying sex is sinful, dirty, wrong and shameful.

2. Overthinking

We are stuck in our heads. Tired. Stressed out. Anxious.

So many people are demanding of us. Our heads are full and we can’t relax and get into our bodies.

3. Sexual Trauma

There may have been some form of abuse in your past. Even times when you have let someone penetrate you before you were ready can add to this barrier.

4. Lack of Education

We were never really taught about our bodies – especially our genitals. We were never taught about the different kinds of orgasms we’re capable of, nor how to experience them. And many women feel embarrassed to self pleasure, so have never taken the time to learn about what THEY personally like.

5. Negative Body Image

If you feel uncomfortable in your skin, it’s hard to feel sexy. If your focus is on hiding your cellulite it is difficult to relax and enjoy the pleasure in your body.

6. Scared To Let Go

The thought of losing control can be terrifying if you’ve never done it. Even allowing yourself to make noise can be a challenge.

7. Pressure To Perform

Sex has become very goal-oriented. But the very act of chasing your orgasm can make it elusive. And once you’ve given up on your own orgasm it can feel easier just to fake a performance so you don’t hurt your partner’s feelings.

8. Embarrassed to Communicate

We often worry what your partner will think of you if you tell them what you really want. It can feel impossible to get the words out of your mouth. So we end up not asking at all.

Feeling Safe

It is essential for your nervous system to relax so that you feel safe on a subconscious level.

So try not to feel annoyed with yourself if any of these ring true for you. Your body is responding in a totally normal and understandable way considering your unique set of circumstances.

What Can You Do?

  1. Explore your fears and subconscious conditioning.
  2. Educate yourself!

Learn about your body! Explore your unique vulva and vagina. And discover what she likes! Listen to the podcast for my homework to help you with this.

Go Deeper

If you enjoyed the podcast and video, please like, subscribe and share to help me spread my message with more people.

And if you’d like extra support in healing your body image for life, check out my self-paced online course, Food & Body Freedom.

Plus, as a gift, you can download my free ebook, “Unstoppable Confidence“.

And you can learn “How To Set Boundaries” here.

I’m always here to offer support,  so please feel free to drop me a DM at anytime, I’m happy to chat.

You can find me @itslisawelsh.